MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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