News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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