just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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