I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
