whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
