Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
