Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
