this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
