my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
