how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Acid is not a monday night drug
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
