the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
