The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
