the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
