i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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