You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
