Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
