I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
