he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So here I am, sexting at work.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
