Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
