i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
