My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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