I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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