You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
