you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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