I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
