i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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