just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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