btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
