nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
