I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
