so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The ass gains better be worth it
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