i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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