why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
