I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
