Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
