no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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