I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
