I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
