This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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