The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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