is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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