Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
