its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
