Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
