This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
