he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
