think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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