TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize