Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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