sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
