see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
as a side note pls kill me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
