we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
