I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
