i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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