Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's just so happy...and so naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
