He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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