a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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