You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
