I want to make a zoo with you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
