so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
