Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
