You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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