Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
