there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
