quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize