She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
