My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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