I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
im on a boat
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