My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
