Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
